


The Beauty of a Thousand Bells

by sugarcoatednonsense (orphan_account)



Category: Free!
Genre: Asexual Rei, Asexuality, F/M, Fluff, Look at them being adults, M/M, Reigisa's son, Slice of Life, Supportive Partners, aromantic Haru
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-26 00:11:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3830026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sugarcoatednonsense
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A glance into the future when the gang is about 30 and dealing with day-to-day work and family problems. Mostly Reigisa being the wonderful creatures of light they are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_3 years after the eternal summer_

Rei had stayed up half the night after he’d found the article, doing search after search, bookmarking dozens of links. Each one made him more certain, reflected something back about himself that had only ever been fuzzy and complicated. Autochorissexuality. He’d never heard the word before tonight but already it made him feel secure and warm. He found stories of others who felt like he did and suddenly found himself part of a community of people who just...didn’t feel the urge to have sex. He wasn’t a freak. He was asexual. And he wasn’t alone. For the first couple of hours he was consumed with relief, excitement even. He was tempted to go wake Nagisa to tell him. 

Nagisa.

They had been together almost four years, had found a university with well-respected programs in both art history and zoology, and now shared an apartment. There was a part of Rei that had always assumed they would be together the rest of the lives. He was certainly prepared to love Nagisa as long as he’d let him. But this, could they survive this?

They didn’t have sex very often, which Nagisa only occasionally complained about, especially now he was so busy with school. But he loved it so much, would get so excited when Rei would agree to it. Rei didn’t even think about it unless he was...self-pleasuring. He had always felt confused by the amount of importance people seemed to place on their sex lives. Was sex such an integral part of human existence that it warranted being categorized as it’s own form of life? No one said “This new pill is supposed to be great for your hiking life” or “My new work schedule is wreaking havoc with my breakfast life.” 

And as much as Rei didn’t want to admit it to himself, he had begun to lump in sex with various other necessary-but-not-necessarily-pleasant activities; finish annotated bibliography, take out garbage, make love to Nagisa. 

He had to be honest with him. He told Nagisa everything, he certainly couldn’t keep something like this from him. But once Nagisa knew how Rei felt about them having intercourse… Rei had to be prepared that he may want to leave. Rei wanted Nagisa to be nothing but happy and feel nothing but love, and if he couldn’t make Nagisa happy, he wanted him to be with someone who could. Rei felt hollow and heavy in the same breath. 

“You’re still up?” Nagisa shuffled out of the bedroom, his oversized pajamas hanging off his shoulders and his fluffy hair sticking up in several places. 

“Yes. Actually, now you’re awake, there’s something I need to speak with you about.” Rei carefully closed the laptop and turned to take Nagisa’s hands in his. He took a moment to look in Nagisa’s eyes, so full of love, so trusting. Rei wanted to remember Nagisa like this. 

Just in case.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa giggles. “Aww, look at Mako-chan trying to talk about sex. He came out like, ten years ago. It’s not like I just found out yesterday.”
> 
> “Ten years ago? Ten years...I can’t believe you never said anything to us.”

_13 years after the eternal summer_

Haru taps the end of his pen on the desk and fights to keep his eyes open. He has a mountain of paperwork to get through and a consultation in forty-five minutes, and after the emergency C-section at two in the morning exhaustion is starting to hit him. But if he pushes through it, he could be done by six tonight. 

The door bursts open and Nagisa backs in with a stroller in tow. His lilac shorts clash with his orange T-shirt, but they’re nothing in comparison to the atrocity of the stroller, which is formed of a hundred different colours of fabric and strung about with bows and tiny stuffed animals and plastic shapes. Haru is almost surprised he can fit it through the door. He watches in disbelief as Nagisa puts a finger to his lips, rolls the stroller into the corner and tiptoes back out of the room. Chisuzu chews absently-mindedly on a plastic duck. 

“Nagisa,” Haru hisses at the doorway while glancing sideways at the baby, who looks up at the unfamiliar voice. 

Nagisa appears again, carrying a wide board in front of him with a number of cards and figures in Ziploc bags balanced on top. 

“What the hell is that?”

“It’s Risk, Haru-chan, the game of world conquest.” Nagisa raises a foot and clears half the papers off Haru’s desk in one sweeping motion. Pressing his lips together, Haru wonders for a moment how much Nagisa would like Risk if it was launched rapidly at the side of his head.

Nagisa lays down the game and starts setting up the piles of cards and tiny soldiers. 

“Nagisa, I’m working. You see I’m at work, right?” 

“Yeah, but I’m boooored. And I’m not going to have many more opportunities like this. I’m going back to work in two weeks.”

What do you know? There is a god. “Huh. Who’s going to watch Chisuzu?” 

Nagisa reaches over with a smile and tickles the baby’s chin. “We’re looking for a nanny. If you hear of anything, let me know. Although they’ll have to pass through Rei-chan which won’t be easy; he’s got a list of requirements as long as your arm. After reading that thing, I’m amazed he lets _me_ look after Chi-chan.” 

“Maybe Makoto’s brother or sister? You should ask him. Maybe tomorrow, we could see each other then. Tomorrow, when I’m not working.”

“Good idea! You can roll first, Haru-chan.”

Haru sighs and rolls the dice as a nurse knocks on the door. “Dr Nanase? Here’s the records from your new patient this morning.” She nods at Nagisa and leaves the papers on a corner of the desk, politely ignoring the files now scattered on the floor. “If you need any help, I’d be glad to go over them with you, Doctor.” 

There was a low note in her voice and Nagisa couldn’t help but notice the extra swing in her hips as she left the room. He smirked at Haru. “I’d be glad to help you with these, Dr Nanase,” he said in a cartoonish female voice, batting his eyelashes and twirling a piece of hair around his finger. “She is so hot for you, Haru-chan.”

“So I’m told,” says Haru flatly. 

“It’s because you’ve got that whole unattainable, mysterious thing going on. Chicks dig that. A lot of dudes do too. It’s a little like Rei-chan before he joined the swim team.” Nagisa’s voice still got softer when he mentioned Rei, even after all these years. 

“Rin thinks I should ask one of them out. He still thinks I’m lonely or something.” 

Nagisa raises an eyebrow. “Seriously? You’re like the most content person I know. He still thinks you need romance in your life?”

“Apparently. I’m kinda surprised you understand it actually. You’ve always been very into the romantic stuff.”

Chisuzu drops his duck, and starts burbling, kicking his legs within the constraints of the stroller. “Uh-oh, Daddy.” 

Nagisa places it in his hands and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“I guess with Rei it makes a lot easier to understand. All the stuff he’s made me read about asexuality and aromantics and stuff.”

“Why would he make you read that?”

Nagisa moves some of his troops into North Africa. “Right after he came out as asexual, it was kinda hard for me to grasp. So he showed me a bunch of articles to help me. I know a bit about it.”

Haru’s eyes widened. “Rei’s asexual?”

“Yep. One might even say he’s _Rei-ce_.”

Haru put two fingers to his temples. “Okay, I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

“Why? You can’t just _e-Rei-ce_ it”-

“Oh my god, Nagisa, stop.”

 

 

“I’ll mention it to Ren for you. He’s looking for a job and he’s great with kids.” Makoto flips the page of the menu and pretends to read about the appetizers. The diner is busy shortly after noon, bright and lively. He’s squeezed into a booth beside Haru, who’s sipping at his iced tea and occasionally wiping off little flecks of food that come his way from Chisuzu in his highchair at the end of the table.

Nagisa grins. “That would be great. We’ve got a couple people to interview later in the week but it would be awesome to have someone we already know, someone we trusted. Especially because Chi-chan has his special requirements.” He picks up a baby carrot and puts it in Chisuzu’s hand, then ruffles his black hair. Chisuzu smiles and blinks in the direction of the light from the window with his violet eyes. “Daddy..”

Flipping the menu back, Makoto looks from Haru to Nagisa, then back to Haru. He drums his fingers nervously. Then he finally lays the menu on the table. “Haru says Rei is asexual.”

A waiter in the kitchen drops a metal tray and Chisuzu turns to the noise. “Bang, Daddy! Bang!”

“That’s right, honey. Big bang.” Nagisa kisses the top of his head. “Yeah, Rei’s ace.” He goes back to his own menu before he notices Makoto still staring. “I sense you have questions.”

“Do - how long have you known? What does this mean for you guys? Do you just never…?” Makoto gestures awkwardly and looks at Haru for support. Haru disappears behind his menu.

Nagisa giggles. “Aww, look at Mako-chan trying to talk about sex. He came out like, ten years ago. It’s not like I just found out yesterday.”

“Ten years ago? Ten years...I can’t believe you never said anything to us.”

Nagisa shrugs. “We were away at university at the time. It was something we dealt with and adjusted to together. You and Gou don’t tell us all the graphic details of your sex life.”

Colour rises in Makoto’s cheeks. “I just...you’re so affectionate and you used to talk about sex so much, I really struggle to see how you could handle that. And Rei, he loves you so much. How could he not want to...you know?”

Haru sips his drink again. “Some people just don’t feel the need, Makoto.”

“He’s just not all that into it, Mako-chan. It’s who he is.”

“Okay, but what about you? You’re not going to try and tell me you’re not into it? Don’t you need that to feel...I don’t know.” Haru sighs at Makoto’s relentless questions, but Nagisa smiles. Sure it’s invasive, but it’s just how he shows he cares. He wouldn’t be Mako-chan if he didn’t worry incessantly about them and gently try to tell them how to live their lives better. But Nagisa’s not sure he can explain in half an hour the conclusions he’s come to over ten years. 

“I like sex, of course I do. Sometimes I would really love to have sex with Rei, but I know he doesn’t like it and I respect that. And I’m used to it. When you’re not expecting something to happen, you don’t get disappointed when it doesn’t.”

“That was weirdly deep for you, Nagisa.”

“I say some deep shit sometimes, Haru-chan. You’re just never around when it happens.”

“So…” Makoto bites his lip, a furrow still between his brows. “How long has it been?

Rubbing his forehead into his palm, Nagisa laughs. “Uhhh, I don’t know. He usually does something for me on my birthday, and very occasionally if I ask nicely. I don’t really keep track.”

Makoto sits back in his chair and shakes his head in disbelief. “Wow, out of all us...I can’t believe you would be okay with that.”

Nagisa holds a straw to Chisuzu’s mouth. “Like I said, I’ve had time to get used to it. I just had to make a decision, and in the end I chose us. I chose Rei.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don’t have to do this, Rei.”
> 
> “No, I want to. I want to do this for you.” Rei’s voice has turned forced, robotic, and he still won’t let their eyes meet. 
> 
> Not like this.

Rei lets himself drop into a chair and loosens his tie. He runs a hand through his hair, aware of how completely not beautiful he must look.

“Long day?” Sousuke doesn’t look up, intent on his work. It’s a memorial portrait of the client’s sister on the left bicep. He comes off so cold to strangers Rei is sometimes surprised Sousuke always gets so many emotionally charged commissions. But the delicate shading and accuracy of his portrait work speaks for itself. Rei must admit it is very beautiful. 

“Extremely. There’s an exhibit opening next month and I don’t have half of the pieces ready, and the half I do have are driving a very hard bargain, and I’m also trying to piece together shipping. It’s just chaos.” 

“Now Nagisa’s going back to work won’t you be able to take it easy a little?”

Rei sighs. “Perhaps once I get this exhibit self-sufficient, but that won’t be for some time. We’ll certainly be better off financially, not that things are tight, but I would like to begin investing in Chi-chan’s future.” He checks his watch. “He should be here soon.”

“Nagisa?”

“Yes, he was meeting Haru and Makoto for dinner and said he’d meet me here afterwards to walk home. I hope he turns up soon, I would very much like to bathe and change my clothes.”

Sousuke pulls back to get a look at the whole piece before picking up his needle again. “Better make sure you say hi to Rin first. He wants to talk to you. Or Nagisa. Maybe both of you.”

“In reference to what?”

“I dunno. He was getting all bent out of shape about something. Rin!” He calls over his shoulder, his eyes still fixed on the tattoo. 

Rin’s unkempt red hair appears from inside the office. “What? Oh Rei, how’s it going?” He gives Rei a toothy grin and comes over to clap him on the back. Ink has bloomed over his body since high school, thorned roses peering over the collar of his shirt and the edge of a black and white portrait under the cuff of his hooded sweatshirt. One of Sousuke’s pieces to commemorate his father. He’s become a walking canvas. Rei has to stop himself from evaluating the pieces he can see for their current market value were they on actual canvas. Sousuke, by contrast, has only a couple of small tattoos. The only one visible is a tiny rough sketch on his wrist, like a doodle in a middle school textbook, of a face with messy hair and pointy teeth. A self-portrait by Rin, no doubt. Rei shudders at the thought of letting someone without any training permanently mark his body. The image of Nagisa gleefully brandishing a tattoo machine comes to mind, and Rei feels the blood leave his face. 

“I’m quite well, Rin-san. And yourself?”

“Good, good. You and Nagisa, you guys are...okay?” Rin’s forehead is bent with concern.

“Yes, we’re fine.” Sousuke glances at Rei, then at Rin. “Why? Is something wrong?”

The bell over the door chimes and Nagisa struggles in with Chisuzu’s stroller in front of him, the wheels catching on the door frame. “Hey Rin-chan! Sou-chan!”

He makes it inside and collapses on the chair next to Rei’s. “Hey you.” Rei turns to him for a quick kiss, and smiles at Chisuzu. “Did you have fun with Haru and Makoto today, Chi-chan?”

The baby’s face lights up at the sound of Rei’s voice. “DADA! Dada!” Rei unbuckles his chair and pulls him out to sit on his knee, ruffling his hair.

Rin’s face softens as he watches them, his head cocked to one side. He looks at Sousuke, who shakes his head firmly and goes back to his work. 

“You guys are adorable,” says Rin.

“Honey, tell us something we don’t know.” Nagisa grins and puts an arm around Rei. Chi-chan is quieting, their busy day starting to hit him. 

“Actually, Makoto mentioned something that kinda surprised me. He said that Rei is ase”-

Nagisa coughs loudly, giving Rin a pointed stare. 

“Okay, let’s go check it out in the mirror.” Sousuke and his client move to the other side of the parlour to examine the finished product.

“Uhhh...when do you go back to work, Nagisa?”

“Next Monday. I can’t wait for Chi-chan to come visit me there, and when he’s old enough for me to take him in the back and tell him all about the animals up close. I’m gonna miss being with him all day though. Oh, Makoto said he’d ask Ren for us about nannying.”

“That’s good,” says Rei. “I would like to maximize the amount of prospective caregivers we see so we can make sure we leave Chi-chan in the best hands possible.” 

Rin is fidgeting with his rings. “Nagisa, can I show you something for a second?”

“Sure.” Nagisa follows Rin into his office, where Rin starts whispering frantically.

“Makoto says you told him Rei doesn’t like sex. What the hell, man? You just never mentioned this?”

Nagisa raises an eyebrow. “Sorry, Rin-chan. I guess I forgot about that contract I signed entitling you to any and all information about my love life forever.”

“Is it true though? Is it since you’re so busy now with the baby?”

“Okay, yes it’s true, no it has nothing to do with Chi-chan, but Rei doesn’t know anyone knows so try to keep quiet about it.” 

“He’s not okay with people knowing?”

Nagisa scratches his head thoughtfully. “He’ll probably be cool once I talk to him, but we’ve gone ten years without anyone knowing and now everyone knows but he still doesn’t know they know, so I’ll let you know when he knows you know, alright?”

Rin blinks. “What?”

“Umm, guys.” Sousuke appears around the corner. “The baby’s asleep and Rei’s getting antsy about the negative effects on his neck of him sleeping sitting up or some shit.”

“I’ll see what’s up. Just keep quiet about...you know, for now.” 

Sousuke looks confused. “What are we keeping quiet about?”

Rin leans in to whisper to him. “Rei not liking sex.”

“Oh yeah. Weird. You guys just don’t fuck?”

Nagisa opens his mouth then changes his mind. “Explaining this once in a day is enough.” He starts for the door, but Sousuke’s voice catches his ear.

“I can’t imagine that. I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t let me touch you.” 

Turning, Nagisa sees Sousuke stood behind Rin, humming his words into Rin’s neck and brushing his skin with his lips. “You’re so fucking sexy…” Rin arches his back into him and giggles softly as Sousuke runs his hands over his stomach and back, slipping his thumbs into Rin’s belt loops.

_That’s what a couple should look like._

Nagisa shakes that thought from his mind and walks over to Rei, who’s buckled Chi-chan back into his chair and is fiddling with the settings. “Ready to go? It really isn’t good for his development to sleep sitting up.”

“Okay, babe, let’s go home.” Nagisa rubs Rei’s back and leans in to kiss him. Rei gives him a quick peck on the lips then pulls away with a smile. 

_He doesn’t even like_ kissing _you._

No, Nagisa, don’t do this. You know where this leads.

“Shouldn’t we say goodbye to Rin-san and Sou-san?” 

“GUYS, WE’RE LEAVING! Kay, let’s go.”

Rei chats as they walk home, about getting a nanny and his work and the new book he’s planning to pick up from the library. But Nagisa can barely hear him over the thoughts he’s struggling to keep at bay.

_Rei won’t ever touch you like Sousuke touches Rin._

“-the author hasn’t written in this genre before so I’m intrigued to see”-

_He doesn’t think you’re sexy._

“-I think we should ask for at least three references from each candidate”-

_He likes porn, but he doesn’t think you’re sexy. He won’t ever look at you like that._

“-Takahashi-san seems to think this new artist is a wise investment but I have to say”-

_The idea of having sex with you disgusts him. You’re DISGUSTING._

Nagisa hasn’t had these thoughts in a long time. He knows they’re not true. He knows that. But once they start it’s hard to stop them. And they still feel true. He stares at the pavement most of the way home, mumbling vague responses to Rei. 

When they finally get home, he kicks off his shoes and heads for the bedroom without looking back. “Can you put him to bed please?”

“Certainly.”

Nagisa climbs into bed and folds himself into the duvet, staring at the wall. He wishes he could think of something other than the way Sousuke’s hands played over Rin’s body and the hungry edge in his voice as he whispered to him. Think of something, anything else would be better. He remembers all the times he’s tried to kiss Rei only to have him pull away. Maybe not _anything_ else.

There’s a tentative knock at the door before Rei comes in. He lies down gently beside Nagisa, running his fingers through his mussed golden hair. “What’s wrong, love?”

Nagisa sighs. How can he explain this? Rei hasn’t done anything wrong. He doesn’t want to make him feel guilty. “I dunno. I’m just...having a bad day, I guess.”

Rei kisses the top of his head. “Did you not have a good time with Haru and Makoto?” 

“No, it was nice. We talked quite a bit about you, actually.”

“Oh yes?”

“Yeah. Umm, it kinda came up that you’re ace. I hope that’s okay.”

Rei nudges his glasses. “I suppose there’s no reason they couldn’t know. I’m also used to you sharing details of our private life by now. I think I assumed you already told them.”

“I don’t know why I never did. I tell them all kinds of other stuff. I guess this was more just your thing. You never told anyone so I never did either.”

“That’s very sweet of you, love. But it’s fine that they know. Thank you for telling me.” 

_You’re unattractive. He doesn’t want you. He thinks about other people and how hot they are, but not you._

Wrapped in the duvet, Nagisa scrunches up tighter and bites his lip. 

“Hey, come here.” Rei pulls out a corner of the duvet and slides underneath to curve his body against Nagisa’s back. “Will you tell me what’s going on?”

“I...don’t know how to explain,” he mumbles into the sheet. “I just keep thinking stupid things.”

“About what?”

_He’ll never kiss your neck like that and tell you how sexy you are. Never again._

“About us. It’s just stupid stuff that I know isn’t true.”

“What stuff, Nagisa? Maybe I can help make you feel better.”

Nagisa uses his finger to make circles on the sheet. “I was just noticing Sou-chan and Rin-chan, and how they are with each other. I started to think we’re never going to be like that again. And I’m so so happy with you and with Chi-chan, you know I am. It’s just...today. I keep thinking it would be nice if you thought I was sexy, and held me like that and kissed me like that. I wish I turned you on, that you thought about me like that.”

“Nagisa…” Rei pushes golden strands of hair back from his face, and lightly pulls at Nagisa’s arm till they’re facing each other. “I _do_ think you’re sexy. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, you know that.” He kisses him softly.

“I know, I know. Today it’s just hard to believe.”

Rei purses his lips, thinking. “So what were Sou-san and Rin-san doing?”

“Sou-chan was touching Rin-chan like this…” Nagisa runs his fingertips over Rei’s stomach and chest. He notices for the millionth time how purple Rei’s eyes are, how good he looks with his hair falling over his forehead. “And Sou-chan was kissing Rin-chan’s neck.”

Rei leans forward and brushes his lips against the curve of Nagisa’s neck, grazing his collarbone with his fingers. “Like this?”

“Uh-huh. And Sou-chan was telling Rin-chan how sexy he is.”

“You are sexy, Nagisa.” Rei curls his hand into his blonde hair, whispering into his ear. “Look at you. Look at your big cherry eyes and your soft lips and your wavy hair. Look at your creamy skin and your trim figure and the line of your body. How can anyone possibly not think you’re sexy?” 

Nagisa wraps his arms around Rei’s neck, clutching him tight. Rei’s hands play over Nagisa’s chest and back, sliding under his shirt. He touches his stomach, his arms, the back of his neck. 

“Does it feel good, love?”

“Yeah, it’s wonderful.”

Rei presses their lips together again, hard this time, till Nagisa sighs into his mouth. But when he pulls away, something in his eyes has dimmed. He doesn’t look at Nagisa as his hand moves down his body and starts to slide into his pants. Rei’s fingers feel so good on his skin, and it’s been so long. 

“You don’t have to do this, Rei.”

“No, I want to. I want to do this for you.” Rei’s voice has turned forced, robotic, and he still won’t let their eyes meet. 

Not like this. 

Nagisa wraps his hand around Rei’s wrist. “It’s okay, honey. Please, you don’t have to.”

Rei folds into his arms, squeezing him tight. He exhales with relief. “I’m sorry. I’ll do it for you soon, I promise. Today just isn’t a good day for it.”

“It’s okay. Everything up to that point was so great. You’re so good to me, Rei.”

He kisses Nagisa’s cheeks, his forehead. “I love you so much. And if it helps, I do think about you. When I’m alone.”

Nagisa raises his head. “When you’re touching yourself? I remember you telling me that, a long long time ago.”

“Well, it’s still true.” Rei turns his head, colour rising in his cheeks.

“Don’t get embarrassed,” Nagisa giggles. “You have to tell me what you think about.”

“I really don’t.”

“Come on, Rei-chan, please, please. What kinda stuff am I doing? It must be pretty dirty if you don’t want to tell me.”

“It is no such thing! It is very beautiful. I just don’t particularly want to share.”

Nagisa slips his hands under Rei’s shirt, aiming for his underarms and sensitive stomach, and tickling mercilessly. “Tell me! Tell me!”

Rei squirms and cries out under his onslaught. “I’ll never tell!”

The sound of muffled crying reaches them from the next room. In an instant, Nagisa touches a finger to the end of his nose. “Not it.”

Rei groans. “I wish I knew where you picked that up.”

“An American TV show. You need quicker reflexes, babe.”

Rei pulls himself out of bed, turning back to cup Nagisa’s cheek in his hand. “Any better?”

“Better,” replies Nagisa as he twists his head to kiss Rei’s fingers. “Thank you.”

“I’m glad you’re telling me when it gets bad these days. I want to be there to help you every time.” 

Nagisa smiles up at him, the painful thoughts drowned for a while in love. He thinks of Makoto, so staggered and confused at how Nagisa’s stayed all these years.

“This is not over, by the way. I intend to find out all your sexual fantasies, Ryuugazaki. I will be a part of your sex life, if only by keeping your spank bank fully stocked.”

“What’s a spank bank?”

“You seriously need to watch that American show.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friend, thanks for reading! Come and visit [ sugarcoatednonsense.tumblr.com ](http://sugarcoatednonsense.tumblr.com) if you want to chat.


End file.
